Theo's Birth

Do people still read/write blogs?  I'm not sure, but I know it is how I documented my last two births, so I'd better keep with tradition!  In a word, this one was...hard.  Different hard from Johnson's birth, but hard nonetheless. 

I was scheduled for a Csection at 7:30 on Tuesday, August 13, 2019.  The day before was stressful, thinking about what was to come.  My family kept me pretty occupied, eating at Tandoori Oven and dessert at Bluebird.  That night I took my "pre Csection bath" and had started having some pretty serious back contractions.  Throughout the pregnancy I'd had tons of Braxton Hicks, but these felt different.  I slept for a few hours, and we went in to L&D around 6 am.  My mom came with us, and my dad stayed home with my sleeping kids.  When they hooked me up to the monitors, my nurse Ruth told me I was actually in active labor.  If I hadn't been scheduled to have him that day, I would have anyway!  I had a really hard time getting the IV in.  It wasn't the IV itself, but some PTSD from my first labor came flooding back.  Once that was in I felt better. 

They walked me into the freezing OR and had me lie down.  That's when I had a legitimate panic attack.  Looking back now, it was probably pretty funny with me lying there saying "I'm panicking!" and all of the nurses saying "you're fine!" Haha The anesthesiologist gave me some oxygen and that helped calm me down.  I had some nice Jason Mraz music playing on my headphones, and once again, asked for my mom to sit by me.  She is such a good sport.  I know it's not here cup of tea.  The surgery went pretty well, though I had some scar tissue that needed to be cut out.  The baby was officially born at 7:57 am.  This is when things went differently from Hal's birth.

The cord had been wrapped around his neck, but Kirkman worked quickly to solve that problem.  When they pulled him out they realized he wasn't breathing and rushed him to the side to help him out.  When I heard the nurses ask for Dr. Brown to be called, I realized something must be wrong.  My mom followed Theo to the NICU while John stayed with me as I got stitched up.  While that was happening, things in the NICU turned dramatic. As they were trying to intubate the baby to help him breathe, he had to be resuscitated.  They got him breathing again and by the time John got down there they were putting an IV in his head, a feeding tube in his nose and breathing tube in his mouth.  Once I was stitched, they took me down to see him.  It was a bittersweet moment.  I was so happy to finally see my little one, but felt so guilty that he was in so much pain because he came early. 

The next 6 days were hard.  Trying to recover in my own room, while my baby is struggling in the NICU was a nightmare.  The NICU nurses were angels.  I don't know how I could have survived the whole thing without them.  They were always calm, patient and comforting to all 3 of us.  Johnson got to meet Theo on his second day of life, and Hal on his third.  He progressed slowly, and was finally able to go home, on oxygen, on Sunday. 

Driving home, everything hit me.  I told John I couldn't do it again.  I cant handle going through 9 months of pregnancy only to watch another one of my babies come out looking black and dead.  It is an image that I had been working for 4 years to erase from my mind and now it had happened again.  PTSD is an interesting thing.  You don't realize what you have been holding onto until something triggers it and suddenly all of those memories come crashing back to you.  I am so lucky that I was staying with my parents at the time.  I think it helped keep me positive as I tried to heal both physically and emotionally.

Now, 1 month later, I have the sweetest, healthiest little boy to snuggle and love and I feel so blessed.  What an honor it is to be the mother of 3 sweet spirits.  I hope that by writing this down, I can remember that I was able to get through this hard time, with the help of supportive medical staff and family. 

 

Johnson GIF

Johnson Turns 2!

How is my baby already 2 years old?!!?  I seriously don't know where the time has gone!  Johnson has turned into the cutest child alive.  I am sure I'm a little biased, but seriously, he is so hilarious and adorable!  His vocabulary EXPLODED this year!  He can and will try to say anything these days! My favorite is when he mimics me saying things like "oh my gosh" :)  He has learned his shapes (circle, oval, octagon, square, triangle, rectangle, star, trapezoid, diamond and semicircle)  He knows his ABC's.  He can count and enumerate. His latest obsession is planets.  He can identify the sun, moon, Earth, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn.  He is just such a smart little guy! He also sings songs, though most probably wouldn't be able to tell that he is singing. :)  I just love watching him learn new things and grow!  He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse ("Kicky Nouse") and YouTube Kids.  He loves his cousins, Grandma and PopPop, playing outside, balls, trains, cars, and fruit.  We love him so much and couldn't imagine life without him! 

For his birthday, since I had just had Hal, we kept things low key.  We started off with breakfast with some cousins at Center Street Grill.  Then we came back to my parents' house for cake, ice cream and presents!  Did I mention that Johnson LOVES cake!?  He couldn't even wait for us to cut it before digging in.  Such a difference from last year!  This year his cake was a shapes cake, which represents him perfectly.  Then John and I took him to the Aquatic Center.  Hal and I sat in the shade while John and Johnson swam.  Chris met us there later.  Then we dashed home for a quick nap before going to the UFOMT Gala Dinner.  Johnson enjoyed it, despite the pictures. :)  By the time we got home we were all exhausted!  A fun day, for a fun little guy!

Hal's Birth

I am SO BEHIND on this blog!  I decided I should probably start by writing about Hal's birth while it is fresh on my mind!

Little Hal Christopher Blair was born at 7:23 am on Wednesday, June 28th.  Since my last labor/delivery was, put simply, a nightmare, our doctor suggested we schedule a c-section this time.  Leading up to the date, I was feeling pretty calm about it.  All of my appointments had gone as planned, everything seemed great.  I didn't really have any panicky feelings until the night before, but I was still ok.  We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 that morning.  John, my mom and my dad accompanied me.  Once they hooked me up to the monitors in L&D I had a hit of severe PTSD.  All of the emotions and fear of my last time in that room came flooding back.  Unfortunately, it was right when they were trying to insert my IV.  I started throwing up, causing the IV to come out, and they had to do it again.  Once that ordeal was done, I was able to relax a little.  At 7:00 they had us walk down to the OR and had me get on the table.  It was FREEZING!  I was still feeling pretty good!  The anesthesiologist was hilarious.  He asked me to call him Cody....and I can't really recall his last name.  Mickelson?  Anyway, he put in the Spinal Tap which hurt, but not too terribly.  Then I laid down and they put up the drape.  I put in my headphones(a great suggestion from my mom) with my phone playing U2.  THAT is when I panicked.  Something about lying on a freezing cold table, wide awake, and knowing that you are going to be CUT OPEN, is pretty frightening.  Anyway, at that point I had no choice.  I am so glad my mom was there to pat my hand and rub my forehead through the whole thing.  The anesthesiologist kept adjusting my headphones and telling me what to expect.  "Here's the pushing I told you about"  "They are stitching you up now" etc.  Anyway, the whole thing, up until he came out only took 23 min!  I felt a LOT of tugging and movement, but it wasn't painful.  Hal looked great when he came out which was such a relief for me!  They cleaned him off and John got to hold him first.  It was such a different experience to not have him go straight to the NICU!  Dr Kirkman predicted he would weigh 7 lbs 11 oz.  He came out weighing 7 lbs 12 oz!  So close!

Our time at the hospital was also significantly better than the last time.  Hal was able to come to our room immediately and stay with us the whole time.  We did send him to the nursery at night so we could sleep, but other than that, he was with us.  My pain was pretty severe, but totally different from last time.  I told John it was like the difference between a broken bone or sprain (this time) and severe road rash (last time).  We had lost of visitors and I felt like seeing people this time, which was great!  I was up and walking by the next day. 

We hadn't 100% decided on the name Hal when we went in for the delivery, but once he was born we both agreed.  John let me pick the middle name, Christopher.  I picked it because both of my boys had been due on my brother Chris's birthday and I felt like it was a sign...or something.  Plus Chris is a great example for my little ones to look up to, and I love him dearly!  It just fits!

We came home Saturday to my parents' house.  They were all up at the Israelsen Reunion so we had a little time to adjust before they came home.  It has been such a blessing to be living with my parents right now.  My mom even took Hal last night so I could sleep!  Amazing! 

Hal has been a super sweet, mellow baby.  He is an AWESOME eater, but has a little trouble burping.  We love him so much!  Even Johnson has started to acknowledge his presence!  That relationship will take a little more time.